This morning, while sipping my first—and very much needed—cup of coffee and half-listening to the Today Show, a segment caught my attention.
They were talking with someone affectionately known in the NFL world as “Big Daddy.” He isn’t a player or a coach. He’s an insurance professional who’s become well known for something that has very little to do with insurance: he connects people.
And when asked about his approach, he gave an incredibly simple answer:
“If you can help people, help them.”
That made me stop.
Because somewhere along the way, we made networking far more complicated than it needs to be. We attend events wondering who we should meet. We think about who can introduce us to whom. We collect contacts, connect on LinkedIn, follow up and sometimes quietly wonder what all those relationships might eventually do for us.
But what if we flipped that around?
What if instead of asking, “How can this person help me?” we started asking, “How can I help this person?”
Relationships Aren’t Transactions
I’ve always believed the strongest professional relationships are built over time. They’re not created by exchanging business cards or sending a perfectly worded LinkedIn message.
They’re built through small moments of generosity.
You make an introduction because two people should know each other. You send someone an opportunity because their name immediately came to mind. You share something you’ve learned because you know it could make their job easier.
And you don’t immediately wonder when they’ll return the favor.
That’s where Big Daddy’s philosophy gets interesting, because it isn’t really networking advice at all.
It’s leadership advice.
The best leaders understand that influence isn’t built by constantly asking people for something. It’s built by becoming someone other people know they can trust, rely on and turn to.
Three Simple Ways to Lead Through Your Relationships
1. Listen more than you talk.
It’s difficult to help someone if you haven’t taken the time to understand them.
Pay attention to what people are working toward, what they’re struggling with and what matters to them. Sometimes the most valuable thing you can offer isn’t advice. It’s simply being the person who actually listened.
2. Share what you know.
If you know something that could help someone else, share it.
That might be an idea, a resource, a lesson you’ve learned, an opportunity or an introduction. Your expertise doesn’t become less valuable because you helped someone else with it.
In fact, generosity often builds far more influence than self-promotion ever will.
3. Be a connector.
Sometimes you aren’t the person with the answer—but you know someone who is.
Make the introduction.
Some of the strongest relationships I’ve built throughout my career began because someone connected me with another person, or because I had the opportunity to do the same for someone else.
You never really know where one introduction might lead.
Stop Keeping Score
There’s an important distinction here.
Helping people isn’t a strategy for getting people to owe you something.
If you’re keeping a mental list of every favor you’ve done and wondering when it’s finally going to be your turn, you’ve missed the point.
Leadership isn’t transactional.
Neither are meaningful relationships.
The strongest leaders aren’t constantly calculating what they’ll receive in return. They notice where they can help, make the introduction, share what they know, open a door when they can—and then keep going.
Over time, something happens.
You build trust.
You build relationships.
And yes, you build influence.
Not because you chased it, but because people remember the person who showed up when they didn’t have to.
Maybe Big Daddy’s philosophy really is that simple:
If you can help people, help them.
Let’s keep the conversation going.
Sandy Adams 